Read, Connect, Bless

Read, Connect, Bless - When you’re in a “storm” and you think you’re all alone, doesn’t it bless you to know you’re not?  The world of social media, blogs, websites, chat rooms, and support groups are a vital resource that, unfortunately, is not utilized by everyone with kids with special needs.  Read everything you can about your child and the special need that defines their world.  Read what other have experienced.  Read what they are saying.  Connect with others that you going through what you’re going through.  It will remove a lot of loneliness from your life and just may remove some from them as well.  Do it, connect with someone today.  They need it just like you need it.  You know what will happen?  It will Bless them and you!  Your Tweet, your blog, your email, your note, your call—it will bless you for giving it, them for receiving it and it will do what “blessings” do, they multiple, change, encourage and life up those to give and those who receive the blessing.  Read…connect…bless! 

Blessing a family that has kids with special needs

Let’s say you don’t have a “child with special needs” in your home but you know a family that does.  If you have a heart to help them out, here are some thoughts for you:

You know being a parent is hard. Being a parent to a child who has special needs can be exhausting and consuming of your time and life in general. Between the doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and school meetings, a parent of a special needs child can feel overwhelmed and often make you feel like you’re fighting the battle alone. Finding the right support and help from friends is as crucial for them as it is their child.  You can help!

1. Communicate with them that you are willing to help – If you go to them and say, “It’s on my heart to help out,” you may become their hero!  Go, sit down with me and begin the process. 

2. Get educated about their world – There world is different.  Their child may not be like yours.  It’s ok not to know—it’s not ok not to learn.  Get to know the specific needs they have and how you can help.

3. Help them get some “alone time” – Research and internet blogs are pretty clear that being a parents is one tough road to hold.  Help give them some personal recovery time be letting them have a break from the very draining world that is their world. 

Kids with special needs and Pets

We have six pets at our house:  Three dogs and three cats.  My cat in named “Patches.”  She’s like family.  Pets and special needs kids go hand-in-hand also. 

Research shows that pets may help all children in the following ways:

• Interaction: Children tend to interact verbally and socially for longer periods, enjoy themselves more, and are more aware of their surroundings when playing with pets rather than with inanimate objects.
• Empathy: Bonding with a pet is thought to encourage empathy towards other humans and animals.
• Positive Mood: Interaction with a pet tends to improve mood and promote positive emotions.
• Anti-stress: A link exists between pet ownership and anxiety reduction. The presence of a pet can reduce the amounts of cortisol, a stress-response hormone produced by an autistic child upon waking in the morning. The amount of cortisol in a waking autistic child decreased from 58 percent to 10 percent when a service dog was present. When the dog was taken away for a short while, the amount of cortisol increased to 48 percent.
• Blood Pressure and Heart Rate: Children involved in animal-assisted therapy (AAT) had lower blood pressure and heart rates when interacting with and stroking a dog, implying that the activity is relaxing.
• Learning: Although it’s not known if the brain benefits directly from owning a pet, pet ownership does seem to assist in learning. The presence of a pet improves motivation and speed when completing tasks, and increases listening skills and concentration.
• I know pets aren’t for everyone, but they may be the right thing for your family.  They may take a little extra work but they may be just what the doctor ordered. 

A Father of Special Needs Kids

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.”

I certainly don’t know what being a dad is all about but I can only imagine.  My dad loves me with all of his heart—I have no doubt.  He is always “fixing things” for me.  If something breaks at our house, he fixes it.  If something breaks in my room, he fixes it.  If something is wrong with my car, he fixes it. If something is not right in the yard, he fixes it.  He is ALWAYS fixing things at our house, at our neighbor’s house, at other people homes and even at his work.  He is a “fixer” like most dads.  The trouble with kids with special needs is that sometimes, you can’t just “fix it.” I believe the most important thing my dad does for me is not “fix things” but simply “love me.”  I’m not one to offer advice to dad’s when I’m not even a parent, or even married.  I just thought it might encourage some great dad out there to know the most important ‘fix’ your child with special needs has is to be loved—by you!  

“Hey, Dad, thanks for loving your kid—that’s what they really need most.”

Handling Stress when you have a Special Needs Child

Ellen Seidman, in her blog, “To the Max” writes about her life and her son with special needs, Max. 

She has a great article about dealing with the stress of not only having a child but a special needs child.  She offers the following “Personal Insights” she incorporates into her life has she manages the stress of her own situation. 

 

She offers the following advice:

1. Change the scenery.

This means that if, say, I’ve just had a frustrating conversation with someone at our insurance company about missing payments, I won’t stay at my desk and continue to deal with paperwork and tasks. I’ll head to the living room and catch a few minutes of HGTV, my TV crack. If possible, I’ll take a walk. And if it’s Max who’s stressing me out—say, because he is screeching about something—I’ll rope in my husband to take a turn talking with him and take a breather in another room or, even better, take a walk outside. Changing the location always changes my perspective.

2. Check out baby photos.

No matter what worries are going through my head about Max, it’s hard to stay anxious when I’m flipping through an album of extreme cuteness.

3. Call your mom.

Not so I can tell her what’s upsetting me, because I don’t want her to worry, but just so I can hear her ask me things like, “Have you been getting enough sleep?” and “Did you have a healthy lunch today?” Feeling cared for in that way that only your mom can care for you helps take the edge off your freakout.

4. De-clutter.

The therapeutic powers of clearing up your desk or reorganizing the playroom sure are potent. One challenge of being a special needs parent is feeling like things are beyond your control—particularly your child’s development. Feeling like you can at least get your stuff under control can bring some peace of mind.

5. Have a carb-protein snack.

Downing something that’s a combo of protein and complex carbs gives me a burst of energy—and with that comes a bit of optimism, too. I like to have a celery stalk filled with a tablespoon of peanut butter and raisins, whole-wheat crackers and cheddar cheese or hummus and carrots.

6. Run cold water over my wrists.

I started doing this in college, when I read that putting your wrists under cold running water can keep you alert because of the pulse points there. It also helps me when stress strikes.

7. Ask your husband to tell me a story.

Reminiscing about funny incidents is always a mood booster. One of our favorites: Dave took toddler Max to the mall during the holiday season, and there was a model standing outside of Abercrombie & Fitch posing for photos with shoppers. Now, Max had pooped and Dave hadn’t had the chance to change him, but Dave wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to have him photographed with a bona fide model. So he handed baby Max over and at first, she was smiling but then she started sniffing suspiciously and when the photographer finally took the photo, she was kind of grimacing and holding Max away from her. Priceless.

8. Two words:

Cat videos.

9. Start planning the next family vacation.

It’s distracting, in the best sort of way, and gets me excited about the future—pulling me out of whatever troubling present I’m dealing with.

10. Blog.

It’s been the most cathartic, inspiring and stress-relieving thing for me in my journey as a special needs mom. There’s nothing like connecting with other parents who get it.

Everyone Needs A Friend. Do you have one?

Having a child with special needs can lead to many different emotions.  You can feel so blessed to even have a child but also jealous, sad, and a little bit cheated—for obvious reasons.   You may feel overwhelmed and in awe all at the same time.  It also means that at some point, you realize that your child is different.  And, because of that, you need a safe, calm environment in which to “vent” you feelings.  They will be strong at times and most every professional says, “Talking it out is the most important thing.” 

Having a child with special needs means that you’ll spend days, months, and (sometimes) years pretending.  Pretending that everything’s fine.  That he’s “normal.”  You’ll talk about delays, and pretend to feel relieved when family and friends tell you not to worry about them.  You’ll want so badly to believe that every baby develops at his own rate that you’ll try.  You’ll try to believe.  You may run with that for longer than makes sense because you don’t know how to make sense of the fact that you know.  You know something’s wrong.  That is nothing, NOTHING like having another mother with a special needs child or an understanding friend that can just listen.  If you’re thinking about someone right now, who don’t you give them a call.  They may need a best friend just a bad as you need one.

HIT Technology—It’s a MUST for Kids with Special Needs

Do you have your HIT set up?

What’s HIT you ask?  Well, HIT stands for Health Information Technology.  It’s really a big deal. Health information technology (HIT) means to use health information in an electronic form on the computer/flash drive, app., etc.  Doctors can use HIT to prescribe medications, share information with other physicians and hospitals etc.  Families may be able to set appointments and store information.  Electronic Health Records (EHRs) are medical records available online to doctors, or through patient portals that families can access.  My dad has some medical concerns and he always carries some very detailed information in his wallet and he wears a medical bracelet.  He also carries a thumb drive with almost all of his medical history on it.    If a caregiver, or even a family member in a crisis needed to “recall” important medical information, it would be difficult—especially, in an emergency.  Get your information all in one place and in a format that can be easily accessed by those who need it.  Your precious child’s life just may depend on it.  Do it now! 

Special Needs Ministry in Churches

I’ve always wanted to start a Special Needs Ministry at our church where my dad pastor’s.  When I asked him about it, he said, “We have kids with special needs at the church.”  I said, “Yes, but how about a whole ministry developed around them.  He said, “What would that look like?”  “Where do we begin?” “How do we incorporate that into our church?”  Reasonable questions for sure.

No Special Needs Ministry will look the same because each church culture and community is different, but here are a few ideas to help jump-start your imaginations, allow you to dream big, and incorporate your Special Needs Ministry into your church culture.  Here are some suggestions I have:

1. Inclusion through the Friend System

Put together a team of volunteers to buddy-up with an individual with special needs to sit with them during the service.  This can be for any service your church offers, whether it’s for the main service or for children’s / youth classes.

2. Have a service specifically for Special Needs Families

This is a model that I have heard of churches doing effectively. Some have their service once a month, and others have theirs every other week. Choose a schedule that works for your church.  This will help your church connect with older individuals with special needs - offering a service and teaching specifically for them to learn and grow in their walk with God.

3. Reach Out to families with Kids with Special Needs

Outreach will look different in each church’s community. Choose the best way to reach out to the families in your community. Outreach is the best way to let the community know that your church is dedicated to caring for those with special needs.

Here are some outreach ideas that I’ve seen work well:  Hosting a Parent’s Date Night, Family Fun Day, Special Needs Easter Egg Hunts, etc.

4. Partner with established Special Needs Organizations and Ministries

If you don’t need to reinvent the wheel, then don’t. Sometimes it’s easier and more efficient to partner with an organization that is already established. This can be something like the Special Olympics, The Buddy Walk hosted by the National Down Syndrome Society, or Walk Now for Autism, etc. These are some nationally-known organizations that are always looking for volunteers to help partner with them.  Get a group of volunteers from your church together, and start serving with existing organizations in your community.

5. Incorporate a classroom in your Children's Ministry Area

If you have the space available or can make the space available at your church, then having an actual classroom(s) specifically designed for children with special needs can help be a place of retreat when other classrooms feel overwhelming. They can still participate in the same activities they would in any other children’s ministry class but within a less stimulating environment.

Whatever it is, dream big, be creative, and know that there is no perfect model. Do what is best for your church and your community.